The One Where Isaiah Drank Too Much

Yep, you read that right.

Why am I writing about this? Because it happened, it's now a part of my study abroad experience, and it is significant to me. I have broached personal topics on here before (with varying depth) and this is no different
.
A few nights ago, on Thursday, there was a gathering at my apartment and I made the decision to keep drinking way past my limit. I take 100% responsibility for my actions, and expect more from myself. I try my best to learn from my mistakes, because what do I gain from beating up and being upset at myself over something that is now an indelible part of my personal history? It happened. All right. Who did I affect? How do I make things better? How do I grow from this? What is a lesson I can take away from this? Because otherwise I am making an already terrible situation worse and more likely to repeat it.

Those who know me from back at school, grew up with me, even a number of the people on this program know that I am not much of a drinker. Truth be told I didn't have my first drink until this past December, rationalizing that I should get some exposure to it before I came to Prague. Prague is a place where beer is generally cheaper than water and drinking is a large part of the culture so I figured, to get more a complete cultural experience, I would partake in drinking-- the drinking age here is 18 so don't worry. I've drank here and there at social gatherings, and occasionally had a beer to accompany a meal, but had yet to reach inebriation anywhere near where I was at a few nights back.

That previous paragraph isn't meant to put out a "oh this was just a one-time thing, this is not who I am" narrative about me, but to provide context about where I'm coming from, contextualizing my experience and actions, and how mistakes like these aren't easily typified. What I am trying to say is I do not drink frequently or even regularly, and yet I blacked out drunk recently. It can be an anomaly, it can be a new trend (but I will ensure the latter is not the case). It has given me a new perspective and sympathy towards those that drink a lot, but does not mean I have everyone that binge drinks figured out now. This is hard to elaborate. Just know that I will be better off because of this. I promise. To you and to me.

Apologizing. It was one of the first things I made sure I did to the people I assumed-- and later on learned from conversation while trying to reconstruct a timeline of the night-- I had interacted with that night. This was done in conjunction with thanking them for putting up with me. But all I said felt so futile. It was only made worse that I had no recollection whatsoever of what I had actually said or done and had to find out from them. I gave those people an undue burden and put them in a very uncomfortable position in having to take care of me.

I want to take a moment to express the utmost gratitude and appreciation for one my roommates in particular who took on the brunt of making sure that I was okay and got to bed and fell asleep, only leaving me be when it was certain I would no longer be a danger/nuisance to myself and others. Sidebar: he is working on a really intriguing, inspirational project and could really use your contributions to help it get produced! Link is here and seriously, anything you can give is valued. And it shouldn't take him taking care of me after I caused my own alcohol poisoning for me to spread the word about this. I'm sorry. If you're reading this, Joe, I cannot thank you enough for the kindness you showed me, you're a good man.

I have made mistakes in the past, I will make mistakes in the future. Judge me if you want, I have not been feeling too keen on myself recently either. But like I said, this is an opportunity to learn and grow. Whoever is reading this, even future me, there is always that opportunity, you just need to get to a point where you're ready to accept it first.